Ai Imaging and Design: How Do We Recognize Ourselves Now, Girls?

For those of us who had children who grew up alongside social media, we recognize, at least partially, the effect Snapchat and Instagram (and Finsta) have had on our children’s view of themselves and their place in the world. From feeling left out, to “wants” becoming “needs,” I watched my three feel, for lack of a better description, “less than” when they compared themselves to what appeared to be reality on social media. Did they have enough friends, and did their friends “like” them? Were they wearing the right clothes? You get the picture. With that said, I thoroughly expected I’d walk away from the Ai images of myself feeling worse about how well I’ve managed to keep intact.

That’s not what happened.

Before I was married many moons ago, I won a photo shoot at a silent auction fundraiser for a local Catholic school. Short of my graduation photo–which wreaked of Glamour Shots—I’d never had a grown-up photo shoot before. However, as I read more about the particulars of my win, I realized it wasn’t a simple photo shoot but a boudoir shoot. No biggie. I probably wouldn’t look any better than I did then.

One of the portraits from the shoot was blown up to nearly poster size (I know. Not the greatest idea) and then framed. I looked great! Better than I ever expected.

We hung this beauty in our bedroom. Fast forward five years…After bringing three children into the world, that photo mocked me every time I walked by. I finally covered it with a pillowcase and put it in a hall closet facing the wall. Obviously, that train had already left the station.

I expected the same reaction when creating my image via Ai. After a month or so, though, kindness crept into how I felt about that girl in the picture. 

Where the hell did that come from?

Yes, I was relieved that I had a stand-in for social media posts when I didn’t feel my best.  Yes, I created versions of myself wearing fabulous clothes or existing in impossible circumstances (mermaid underwater), but let’s be honest, there was a HUGE discrepancy between me in the real world and the character I created of myself for my brand, but that didn’t even play into how I felt.

Surprisingly, I’m not the only person to feel this way.

While I was happy with the outcome, I couldn’t put the “why” into words.

Until I thought about it.
And thought about it. 

What was the first change? I stopped hesitating. 

When I needed to post, I posted. I didn’t worry about a filter or touching up anything. I didn’t worry that my face was too round or my glasses were cockeyed. I simply posted whenever I wanted to. It was incredibly freeing. 

I’m still not sure I can fully articulate the second possibility. 

It has something to do with seeing myself with entirely different eyes. 

I noticed parts of me starting to turn lovely. Yes, my teeth had seen brighter days, and my jaw is a bit crooked, but I’ve got a great nose (thanks, Dad) and a kind face. I never noticed that my eyes were an unusual shade of green. I’m surprisingly emotive and use my hands when I speak. I softened when it came to how I saw myself. 

Maybe it’s happening because, at 58, my self-image is more grounded, and I’m able to identify objectified and idealized images faster than someone younger than me. 

Maybe women of a certain age are redefining beauty and worth.

Maybe we (women over 50) are influencing the algorithm and slowly moving the needle. Damn, I hope so.